Monday, December 6, 2010

Leaving Your Child... Is It Just Easier For Some?

So I have been thinking about this topic for years.  If you don't know me at all or very well, then you probably don't understand where this is coming from, but I feel the need to talk about this. 

Since my youngest sister was born, I was very protective.  I was 10 years old at the time and became a second mom to my sister.  My mom says that she finally got to be the mom again when I moved out 7 years later, but that is a whole other story.  I will begin this by saying... What is it in each mother that makes it easier or harder to leave their child? 

Even before having my son, I knew I wanted to stay home with him.  I didn't know at the time I was having a son or a daughter, that part wasn't important... it was having a child that was important.  When people ask you, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  What do you normally say?  A teacher, policeman, fireman, President of the United States?  These are a few of the common answers.  But if you asked me, as I grew older, all I wanted was to be was a mom.  People, would look at me funny, or say that's nice... but that's really what I wanted to be.  I know most people were probably thinking, "What is wrong with that girl, anyone can be a mom.  Doesn't she have any dreams, goals, or aspire to be something great?"  And if someone had actually said that to me, I would have said, "YES!  I dream of being a great mom, who will raise great children, who will become wonderful, contributing people in our society."

However, in today's world, there are so few stay at home moms and more and more kids go to daycare.  After having my son 6 months ago, I have only left him with his father twice.  And of those two times, I was gone about 10 minutes to grab something at the grocery store.  I have had many people tell me that it's normal to leave your children, it's  good for you, it's healthy.  However, I don't feel good about it at all.  And if that makes me abnormal or crazy than so be it.  However, what I want to know is, how do some women leave their children at such a young age? 

I know we are all different and unique in our own way.  But when did it become so abnormal to want to be with your kids.  I know such few women who stay at home with their kids, and it saddens me that our society has so many children being raised  by daycare.  When did we make that shift from raising our kids, to everyone working and children being raised by strangers?  When did it become taboo for a woman to stay home?  Why is it so wrong for a mother to want to raise her children?

I have many friends with children and most of them work.  However, I don't know how they do it and leave their children everyday.  I have only met one other person who believes the same way I do.  I consider her to be my best friend and I love her kids like they were my own.  She and I stay home, we enjoy our time at home and love raising our kids.  Yes, we need a break every now and then, but it doesn't mean we want to leave them with a sitter or drop them at daycare.  We would just like a few minutes break to relax, take a nap or a shower, read a book, or watch some TV while our husbands take care of the children.  Is that too much to ask?  I don't think so.

So again, I ask, are we just wired differently?  Do some moms just find it easy to leave their children while they go to work, go out to eat, get their hair cut, or whatever else they want to do?  All I know is that I am not ready to leave my little guy and I don't know when I will be.  Please don't feel as if I judge you for leaving your children, as that is your choice and I respect you for it.  However, I feel I am being judged and looked down upon because I won't and don't leave my son. 

1 comment:

  1. I think a level of attachement is important and normal. Most families i know who have working parents HAVE to work & i know it is hard for them to leave their babies. i do feel it becomes easier for them over time. But again a LOT of people dont have the financial ability to stay home with their children.

    The first time i ever left my youngest she was just over 18months old. I did it when I was ready- not according to someone else's timeline.